I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
