You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
