she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
