It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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