he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
