I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
