I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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