bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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