i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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