Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
