i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
