I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
