Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
