I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
