just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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