I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
