Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How does one acquire holy water?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
