i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
