So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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