My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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