it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
