part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
