i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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