this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
