I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize