someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
