it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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