I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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