His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
