You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sext me about skeletons
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
