this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
