STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
