I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
