Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
