walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
