just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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