I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
