I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
