Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
