So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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