I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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