I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
