I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
