The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
