Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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