epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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