My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
