just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
