2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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