I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
this hospital has no fireball
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
